Avengers Assemble!

The Avengers is coming out this Friday, and I have to admit, I’m more than a little geeked out about it. 

For those of you living off the pop culture grid, there has been a spate of recent superhero movies focusing on individual Marvel comic book characters Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, and Captain America.  These films established the origins of each character while simultaneously injecting a shadowy, overarching plot line that will serve to bring them all together in the culminating film in this series.  The Avengers is that film. 

I’m not one of those people who will camp out to see the first show at midnight on Thursday, and I’m not one of those people who would willingly sit through the five preceding Marvel movies consecutively as a warm-up for The Avengers, as some theatres are doing.  In fact, I’ll probably wait a week or two to see it (okay, I’ll be lucky if I make it a week), just to prove to myself that I am in firmly in control of my geekitude (geekiness?  geekosity?). 

Considering that I am a forty-four-year-old man with two young daughters, the fact that I’m excited at all about this latest superhero movie is probably reason enough for concern, especially amongst the hardcore realists with whom I have been known to associate.  It’s a superhero flick.  It’s shallow, adolescent, male fantasy wish fulfillment.  What’s wrong with you?  I sidestep the question, because I don’t know how to answer it.

Yes, I know it’s foolish to let my inner geek’s enthusiasm get the better of me.  I completely understand that it’s entirely possible, even likely, that The Avengers won’t live up to my expectations.  By now I should know; I’ve been through this so many times before.  My better judgment says the rational approach is to go in expecting two hours of light escapist fare, like any other summer fluff film.  But I can’t.  I want, I truly want, The Avengers to be a great movie.  I’ve waited a lifetime for something like this.  It’s difficult to suppress the giddy rush of anticipation, even though I know I shouldn’t pin my hopes to a film genre that has been so consistently disappointing. 

You see, there have been a lot of bad superhero movies made over my lifetime.  In fact, in all the years I’ve spent watching these kinds of films, I can say that there are only about five or six that I truly love out of the many dozens Hollywood’s cranked outoHoilaa.  The rest have been decent at best, or far more commonly, alright, or just okay.  The worst – well, the worst have been a lot like being dragged naked down a gravel road for an hour, then forced to sit in a lemon juice dunk tank on Cy Young reunion night at Cooperstown.  You think I’m exaggerating? I’ve got the scars, and the lingering aversion to lemon juice, to prove it.  Yes, the last four decades have been nothing if not unnecessarily cruel to the superhero movie enthusiast.

WALL-E Reconsidered

WALL-E wasn’t one of Pixar’s bigger hits when it came out in 2008.  I remember being somewhat disappointed by it at the time, although I couldn’t quite figure out why.  Many critics raved about the film, and more than a few still place it near the top of the list of great Pixar movies.  I find this somewhat irritating, because I hate it when I think I might have missed something I really wanted to get.  WALL-E didn’t connect with Elizabeth or Jessica either, resulting in it being one of only three Pixar movies we don’t currently own (Cars and Cars 2 are the others).  Since we don’t have our own copy, I made a point of DVR-ing a recent Disney channel showing of the film.  Then one quiet evening last week, I sat down and watched WALL-E again.  I wanted to give it another chance to speak to me; or failing that, try to figure out why this movie didn’t connect with me at the level so many of Pixar’s films do. 

After watching a second time, I can acknowledge that there is much to agree with the critics about.  Pixar created a wonderfully expressive character in the robot WALL-E, who conducts his daily business while longing for love and for a connection to something more than a cockroach in his trash-heap world of endless desolation.  Following him in his day-to-day life is by far the most fascinating and entertaining part of the movie.  It is extremely well-crafted, revealing bits and pieces of the background story creatively and seamlessly, helping the viewer to understand where we are, what has happened, and WALL-E’s purpose without the need for dialogue.  It is a tremendous exercise in visual storytelling, and I don’t think I gave it enough credit in this respect the first time.     

As the film unfolded, I was reminded that there are several definite biblical undercurrents in WALL-E.   In the strange, new world of the Earth’s future, WALL-E represents the original man, a new kind of Adam.   Although he was originally created as just one of a global army of trash-mashing robots charged with the task of cleaning up our tragically waste-covered planet, WALL-E is the only one that continues to function some seven hundred years later.   By being the last one standing, WALL-E becomes, in a way, the first.   Almost immediately, we learn that he is painfully aware of being alone.  He picks up odd pieces of junk and artifacts that connect him somehow to the people that once existed there, and he repeatedly plays an old VCR tape which reveals his yearning to love and be loved.   

Just as Adam was lonely in the Garden, WALL-E is lonely in the toxic dump where he lives.  In the bible story, God sends Adam a mate, a woman; in the movie, the far-distant humans send a sleek, new female robot who accidently finds WALL-E.  Both females are named Eve.  Much of what follows in the film is a love story between WALL-E and Eve.  In the climax, WALL-E performs a Christ-like act of self-sacrifice to make possible a rebirth of life on Earth, although in Wall-E’s case, it is literal and not spiritual life. 

Ten Signs Your Kids Are Addicted to Pixar Movies

As I was reading up on ways to attract new readers to the blog, I learned that people love Top Ten lists.  In fact, many successful bloggers say that Top Ten lists are one of the best ways to help increase the popularity of your blog.  Normally, I would disdain such heavy-handed and blatantly manipulative tactics as beneath me.  However, I also felt like I shouldn’t rule anything out until I tried it.  So, I thought for a while about the kind of Top Ten list I would write.  A few years back, “You might be a redneck” jokes were very popular, thanks to Jeff Foxworthy.  I thought I might try to bring them back, so I started a Top Ten list of “Ways to Know You’re a Redneck.”  This is what I came up with:

10  Your driveway has more grass growing in it than your yard.

That’s as far as I got. 

Then I remembered the old advice that says you should write about what you know.

Well, when you put it that way…

Woody's castle

My two-year-old daughter has been on a Toy Story kick for the last, oh, three or four months now I guess.  Actually, it started with Toy Story, but has since expanded to include The Incredibles, Shrek, and just recently, Monsters, Inc.   It has reached the point where she can tell me what movie I’ve put in just from the first image that appears on the TV after starting the DVD.  She’s taken to reciting certain lines from memory, and re-enacting scenes from the movies with her Fisher Price little people.  I realize that some people may object to my parenting style and claim that this is not a healthy way to raise a child; I say it’s got to be healthier than living in a closet, which is where she’d be if I couldn’t get her off me for a few minutes at a time.  I swear it’s like having a spider monkey with attachment issues. 

Cars 2 review

I thought it would be fun to write this in the style of a car review, instead of a straight movie review.  So I guess it’s kind of a Cars 2 car review. 


I had the opportunity to test drive the latest Pixar roadster last week, which is always an occasion for celebration in my book.  Over 11 model years, the engineers and designers at Pixar have consistently produced the highest quality vehicles of any manufacturer.  I could gush uncontrollably for hours at a time about the sheer bliss I have felt  behind the wheel of previous Pixar rides, whether it was the unrestrained power of a Toy Story 3 or Up, or the classic lines, uncompromising character, and industry-leading features of older models such as Finding Nemo or Monsters Inc.  Pixar products are uniformly constructed to exacting standards using the highest grade materials, yet are always priced competitively; in fact, no model has ever exceeded the industry average in consumer cost.  The simple fact is, year in and year out, nobody has come close to delivering the same level of value to their customers.

Unfortunately, almost none of this applies to the newest steed to be released from the Pixar stables, Cars 2.  The signature styling points are all there: sparkling design features, nifty handling and suspension, creative accessories and loads of unexpected extras, but once you get beyond the trim line, the vehicle loses its ability to command your attention. 

When you start it up, you still feel that familiar rumble of refined energy and precision that is the hallmark of a Pixar product.  It feels as good off the line as any other Pixar model; the transmission engages smoothly and effortlessly, and at first it’s so much fun to drive that even you can’t wait to see where you’re going.   You spend the first 10 or 15 minutes just marveling at the cleverness of the interior layout, the thoughtful design, the ingenious way Pixar engineers incorporate details that simultaneously surprise and make you ask “Why hasn’t anyone else thought of this?” 

It’s not until you reach cruising speed before you begin to suspect something may be amiss.  The engine seems to peter out, and you develop this sinking feeling that a head-on collision with disappointment may be waiting just around the next blind curve.  You drive on, warily double-checking the features.  The fit and finish, as usual with Pixar, is within tolerances not only for high-quality vehicles, but also for most nuclear physicists.  Yet questions start to arise. Is the suspension system as good as you remember from other models, or is it just a tad soft? The handling seems to be in order, but is it really as supremely responsive as your memory says it should be? It takes a while, but you finally identify the source of your mounting concern:  it’s the Cars 2 engine that’s letting you down.  You’re moving smoothly at highway speed, keeping up with the other vehicles on the road, but what’s missing is the overdrive.  When you want to kick it into high gear, when you want to plant your foot and leave everyone else eating your dust, it’s just not there.  And that's when you realize, with disturbing impact, that this Pixar product is really just a very pretty commuter.

If you’ve never driven a Pixar vehicle, the overdrive is its heart, and the primary source of what makes it special. At its best, the joy to be found in a well-executed overdrive is the pure joy of driving itself.  It is the very reason we love to drive:  to go somewhere new, to be taken there in a thrilling way, to experience a journey that affects us, and then to reach a destination that makes you feel great to be there, but just a little sad that the drive couldn’t have been a little longer.  A well-designed overdrive creates a purpose, and as a driver, you respond with a willingness to share control with your ride because you can feel it knows where it wants to go and that it will take you there more surely than you could yourself.   Pixar, more than any other manufacturer out there, understands the essence of driving, and has been delivering some of the highest quality overdrive artistry that the industry has seen in sixty years (we’ve missed you, Frank Capra, but we’re doing OK now). It, more than any other company, has been responsible for ushering in what, down the road, is likely to be known as a new Golden Age among vehicles in its class.   So, to get in a Pixar vehicle with an overdrive as anemic as this one is admittedly a little shock to the soul.

The gang's all here for Cars 2 - but is it enough?

The designers over at Pixar insist that the power plant in Cars 2 is comparable to previous years’ models, and that no major changes have been made.  A visual scan of the technical specs doesn’t reveal any substantial differences.  However, speaking as someone who’s driven every vehicle in the line (as well as thousand of competitors’ models), the robustness of the overdrive in this model can’t hold a piston (or a Piston Cup) up to the others.  Cars 2 is like Nemo without Marlin, like Buzz without Woody, like Carl without Russell. 

Driving can be enlightening, inspirational, and yes I’ll say it, even spiritual. Or it can be dull, lifeless, and redundant.  Unfortunately, Cars 2 falls short of the high end, even if it doesn’t sink to the depths of the low end.  This is not to say that Cars 2 is a bad ride.  It’s definitely not; but, aside from the skilled accoutrements, it is no different from the typical, middle-of-the-road family hauler that we’re used to seeing from other companies.  And that, because it’s Pixar, makes Cars 2 a bit of a lemon. 

Every manufacturer has a misfire at least now and again; just ask Toyota.  The fact that Pixar has suffered one only means that they are being led and managed by human beings, and not ultra-evolved Prometheans from a far-distant future who are here secretly to smuggle us sparks of perfection, which is what I personally suspected.  Unless, of course, Cars 2 was deliberately calculated to thwart exactly those suspicions.  With Pixar, who really knows for sure?

Bottom line:  Stylish, but overall performance doesn’t rise above average.

Rating:  3.25 grease monkeys (out of 5)