I am particularly fascinated by stories involving a ‘leap of
faith.’ I’ve taken the proverbial leap once
or twice myself (in fact, the blog itself is one). I am endlessly fascinated by others’ experiences,
and learning more about where the impulse to make vastly logic-defying moves comes
from, how it all comes into being, and then, of course, assessing the
consequences. I guess part of me is
always seeking to understand things better, and leaps of faith can seem like
mysterious, or incomprehensible, creatures.
Dorina Groves’ story falls into the amazing category, at
least for me. This is a woman who walked
away from the life she had built for herself, which included owning and
operating a coffee shop here in
I feel extremely fortunate that Dorina Groves made the time
to talk to me, even as she was trying to tie up all the loose ends of the life
she was leaving behind, and making last-minute preparations for the great adventure
to come. We talked for two hours after
she closed the store on her last Thursday at The Coffee Grove. In the moment, the conversation we had was
inspiring, and I was inspired over and over again as I transcribed her words
and then put together the interview you are about to read.
At the end of part one, I posed a question that was probably
foremost in many readers’ minds, along the lines of: “What could possibly possess someone to get
rid of almost everything they own at the age of 40, buy a dilapidated ’78 Dodge
camper, and travel across the country to spread the word that, ‘If you have a
pulse, you have a purpose?’” Here to answer that question, in her own words, is
Ms. Groves.
Leaps of Faith: Dorina Groves, Interview
When did you decide
that a cross-country trip in a camper was in your future? Where did that inspiration come from?
In February, Valentine’s Day weekend I think it was, I had
had some cocktails on a Saturday night.
Didn’t go out, just stayed home, but on Sunday morning I woke up, and I
just felt bad. And I asked myself, when was the last time I made a good
decision when I was drinking? And then I
asked myself when was the last time I was really, really happy? And it was when my faith was strong. I’m not religious at all, I oppose anybody
who calls me religious, or churchy, or da, da, da. But it was when my faith was strong. And
that’s when I experienced [the kind of feelings that you] want to bottle up . .
. and give to people that you love because it’s amazing. And so, then and there
I said I need to make a choice. God and
happiness, or irresponsibility and partying and…yeah, being miserable. And I
chose God. I’m like, “Okay.” And then, I had this tattoo by then, the ‘If you
have a pulse, you have a purpose’ tattoo.
And I kind of looked down; I was
sitting at my desk, and I was like, “I want to drive a truck across the country
with this on my arm.” And I thought, “This
is my future.” And, right there, it just
gripped my heart. Just penetrated me,
and I came into the shop that day and said, “I’m doing this.”
So the tattoo provided
the inspiration. You have several others. Would you care to share what they say?
I like tattoos. I put
on my body what’s really important to me.
This one says, “If you don’t have faith, you always have fear.” I read
it somewhere. [It’s in Greek] because I
didn’t want to put it in English. I
didn’t want to do something tribal, but I didn’t want it in English
either. And it was small, and I knew
that it would hurt less (laughs). And then after that I did the “purpose
produces passion.” And… it’s true. The last one is from the movie Soul Surfer, and it says, “I don’t need
easy, I just need possible.” I love that
quote.
Even before this
trip, and before the tattoo, you were interested in inspiring people. Why don’t
you talk a little about the “Get Inspired” wall that you started in your coffee
shop…
 |
| The 'Get Inspired' wall at the Coffee Grove |
I know that coffee shops are places where people go to
complain. Complain is a derogatory term;
they need someone to talk to. They get
comfortable with their barista like they do with their bartender, and what I
wanted to do was not perpetuate their problems by letting them come in
repeatedly with the same problems. So we
would talk about their problems and I would suggest going over to read (the
wall). I wanted to provide an uplifting
environment for people. I wanted words
to affect them. And it’s been a blast to
watch people go over and say, “That’s so cool,” and then they pull out their
phones and their taking pictures and, or they’ll sit down and copy some of the
quotes, or they’ll add some, and it’s just, it’s magic, it’s magical. I [had been] in such a negative environment
and it was my coffee shop now, and I got to run it how I wanted to… I wanted
them to leave feeling good.
 |
| One example of an inspiring note, especially for seafood lovers. |
Yeah. Well, people
who are not in that place in their life where they want to be happy, it repels
them.
Really?
It does. I had a guy come in one day, and he’s like “I’m all
for being positive, but this is just a little bit much.” And after that day, he never came in again.
Fine. I don’t want your energy in my shop.
But it’s almost like the universe knows the people that need [it] and
sends them here. Hundreds of people have said, “You know, I’ve driven around
here thousands of times, but for some reason, today I turned around. Those are the people I have these profound
connections with, and you know, they let me know how special an experience it
was to come in.
 |
| This is the one Ms. Groves picked out for me. Ouch...and yay! |
You’ve talked openly about
how you lost your cousin Krista to cancer not long ago. You didn’t make it back to see her before she
passed, and that had a big impact on you.
Were there any other factors that led to your decision to sell the
Coffee Grove and change your life so drastically?
So many things happened when I turned 40. I found my
self-worth. I found that I deserve happiness, I deserve love, I deserve a
family if I want it, and [I deserve to] cherish the moments that I have with
the family that I do have. It woke me up to what my priorities were. Combined with Krista dying…My dad, my dad is
my hero. I fall in love with my dad more
and more every year, he’s that special to me.
That might sound weird, but he’s just…awesome. And I looked at the fact
that he would call on Sundays, and I would look down and see him on caller ID,
and I was too tired to answer the phone.
What if that was the last time he ever called? Just like I didn’t go home and talk to
Krista, and so I thought, there’s something wrong with me and my life if I’m so
disengaged and exhausted that I did not answer the phone when my dad calls to
see how I’m doing because he loves me.
Because of all these
things, you decided to leave everything behind and take to the road. Where does the courage come from to do
something like this?
Um… it comes from being able to look back on the experiences
I have had, the challenges I have overcome.
It’s been the customers. There has not been one single person in my life
or in this shop that knows about the trip that doesn’t support me. To me, that’s all confirmation about I’m on
the right path.
And being on the
right path, would you say that’s what gives you the courage to do it?
Yeah, and I guess God just kind of gives me what I don’t
have. There are moments throughout every
single day when I think this is crazy, but it’s the people who believe in me
and that’s why I say they’re my insight.
That’s going to be really hard to leave.
Right. So how are you going to do without that?
I don’t know yet. And
I guess I realized that I didn’t value people, I didn’t realize the value of people until I realized what I was
leaving and how amazing these people are.
I mean, to me they’re not paying customers who walk in the door, they’re
family that is buying the product and supporting the business. They are so much more to me than customers.
It takes a great deal
of faith to undertake a project like this, doesn’t it? How important is faith to you?
It’s the core to my life.
If I don’t have faith, I don’t have… I mean, if I didn’t have faith, I
couldn’t do what I’m doing. It’s … faith
is what gives me bravery and courage and strength and belief in myself. Without it, I’m a zero. I’m a big zero.
What is faith? What does it mean to you? How would you define or describe it to
someone who doesn’t know what it is?
Believing in something I can’t see. Believing… believing in
the unknown, believing in the impossible.
I mean, that’s what it is. It’s…I
have to have faith that this hoopty is going to get me across the U.S.
But, you know what? There’s been a lot
of people that have seen it that have don’t have faith. They’re, you know, “Oh,
you’re going to break down here,” and yada, yada, yada. And it pisses me off. If you don’t have something nice to say or
encouraging about my trip, then please don’t put any negative energy at me, or
on me. Because I need all the courage
and the strength and the faith I can have.
Faith is something you can have for days, weeks, years, and it’s
something that can be gone in five minutes.
Replaced by doubt?
Uh-huh. Doubt and
fear. That’s why I have the quote, “If
you don’t have faith, you’ll always have fear.”
Do you consider this
trip to be a leap of faith?
It’s very true. [My
camper] is a ’78 Dodge. (laughs)
 |
| Painting in the 'living room' of 'Casa de Dodge' |
Why do it? What’s the value in taking a leap of faith for
you?
The value to me is the sense of accomplishment, of
overcoming fear. A sense of self-worth,
of knowing, you know, what could seem to so many as impossible, and even to me
at times … that I did it. Like when I
wanted the coffee shop, I didn’t have two pennies to rub together, but I spoke
it into my life. I wanted it. Period. I
was gonna get what I wanted. I found a way to get it. One of my favorite quotes is, “Never give up
on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.” And the coffee shop was the vehicle to me
discovering that my purpose is to lift people up. I think about doing that all the time. I [came to work] excited to serve a cup of
inspiration and a side of latte.
And the way you plan
to lift people up as you travel around is through the message, “If you have a
pulse, you have a purpose?”
First and foremost, the quote, what it means. People are like “Why is this important?” And
I think I want to reach people who think that they don’t matter. That think
that they don’t have a purpose, that think they’re worthless, because I was
that person, and it’s an awful place to be. And when you don’t have hope,
finding it and getting it back is one of the hardest things you can do. It’s lonely, it’s depressing… it’s just a
miserable place to be. But if you can
understand that breathing means, that it means something. When you’re breathing . . .there is a reason
for it, and when you have that dream and that passion in your heart, it’s not
there to taunt you and tease you, it’s there because it’s your purpose. Whether you know that it came from God, or a
fire hydrant, or a tree, or whatever.
The passion in your heart leads to your purpose. And my quote for that is, “Follow your heart,
it’s where your purpose and your passion live.”
And you feel like
your story will resonate with others who are now in a place similar to the one
you were in?
Right, and I feel like, especially in this day and age, people
can identify with not having a job, and being depressed because of it. And the way the economy is, people are so,
like, ‘Oh, the daily grind,’ and… If they could just not worry anymore. If they just had that five minutes where they
embraced what’s in their heart and, and had that magical feeling inside, “I can
do this,” and break away from the day-to-day of not being good to yourself, not
listening to your heart. But everyone’s
so worried, and living paycheck to paycheck, and the media, you know, feeds all
this negativity and it’s hard to get out of.
It is hard to get out
of. I agree completely. Aside from telling your story, how do you see
yourself helping the people you meet along the way who are feeling hopeless or
worthless?
Listening to
them, because I see… The quote is going to, people are going to see it driving
down the road and I pray to God that people get affected that I never, ever
find out about. I did put my email and the facebook page on the back, because
I’d love to track, and I’d love to hear from people, but not because I need
that to know that I did
something.
Words have power, right?
Yes. And most of the people who feel like they
don’t matter don’t surround themselves with people who tell them that they
do. Or they don’t, they just don’t
believe it, they can’t hear it. They
can’t hear it from someone who loves them, because they assume it’s a job, you
know, “They’re obligated to love me.” To
hear it from a stranger, with an energy, I think that the energy of your
message can be translated and felt by the receiver…And … I feel like I speak
with a strong passion about the things I’ve gone through, and nothing gets me
more fired up than wanting to shake a person and say, “You have no idea how
amazing you are, and how able you are, and I want this dream to happen for
you.” Like I gave this gal a “Dare to
Dream” book. I said, “Everything you
want, write it in this book.” I did this
last year. She came to me the other day
and said, “I lost all this money by lending it to a friend, and I wrote in my
dream book that I needed to get it back.” And she said that she went to the
casino and got it all back. And I was
literally just jumping up and down in here (the coffee shop). It made me so excited…because I want that for
her, because she matters, and she’s still doing it. I want that for people, because I know how
that feels to have it…The quote is a gift that I got, and I can’t keep that
gift. Because of what it did for me, I
have to go give it away.
Even if it means leaving your home, your
business, getting rid of all your stuff, trading your car for the camper?
 |
| Okay, she didn't get rid of all her stuff...Here are the survivors. |
I can’t think of
anything better to do with my time. And
if I go broke, completely broke, but I affected five people on the trip, it
will be totally worth it. Because I’ll
make the money back, but money does not make me feel rich. You can take my house, my car, my dogs, da,
da, da, but you’ll never get what’s here (touching
her chest), and that’s why I feel wealthy.
I’m so, I’m literally like… I have very little money… but I’m happier
than I’ve ever been. In my apartment, I
have nothing. But having nothing makes
it possible for me to go and do this, you know?
I can walk away, I’m not restricted by a business or things from going
and doing this. And having those things
will never give me what this trip and this experience will. That’s living. And that’s when Krista died, that’s what I
wanted to start doing was living.
What scares you about
this trip?
 |
| Rear view of the hoopty. Notice the 'historic vehicle' license plate. I know '77 was a good year for movies, not so sure about hooptys, though... |
Fear of me breaking down, of me not getting to New Hampshire … not
finishing. It scares me because so many
people have, because they care about me, talked about their concerns about, you
know, tires blowing out, this, that, or the other. Anything can be fixed, but what if something
breaks and I don’t have the money to fix it?
That scares me. But in the end, I
have felt favor and protection from God over this whole idea ever since day
one.
And it almost becomes
like, if something does happen and you do break down, it’s because it was
supposed to happen that way and you’re still going to be okay?
Exactly.
So, other than maybe
things going wrong, is there anything else that scares you about setting out
like this, without a plan?
No. No. (laughs)
I’m just so excited, and I just, I think it’s going to be one of the
best things I’ll ever do in my life. And if there’s trial and adversity, I’ll
overcome it. I may be forced into
situations that are really, really uncomfortable, but I have to put my faith
where it’s always been. When I’ve put my
faith in God, He’s always taken care of me, so that’s where I’ll put it.
Do you have any idea
approximately how long you will be gone?
No.
Not even a vague
notion of how many… Weeks? Months?
Probably at the most two months on the road. I kind of have an end, or goal, and there’s a
lot more to that story. My dream is to
end up in New Hampshire ,
in a quaint little town. Like I have a visual of a great little cabin and I’m
sitting in front of a wood burning stove, and I’m writing full time, and I’m
writing books that inspire people, and I am becoming a best-selling
author. That’s my dream.
You weren’t always this
positive and optimistic about life. What
caused your perspective on life to change?
I think, I think actually it’s from when I was married. I was so miserable in my marriage. I was seeking and desperate for happiness,
and I was with such a negative man. He
was full of hate, and unforgiveness, and resentment, and bitterness and rage,
and I had read a book called The Tender Commandments, and there was a chapter in there that talked about when you
hate, you’re committing murder in your heart.
When you don’t forgive, that’s . . . unforgiveness is terrible. And, so, I don’t know, I think that that was
the point. And then I left Kansas, and came out here, and I think I was just
getting exposed to new things, and somehow I found (the book) The Secret, and that really opened my
eyes to how you turn your life into something better than it is, and learning,
you know…I guess deep down I’ve always known that you can create, that you
create your own destiny, but reading The
Secret made me want to read more. It
made me want to learn more. It made me
want to figure out how to be a better person.
Did you have any
specific moments of insight that helped change the way you look at life?
When I wrote my book, when I wrote chapter 6 in my book. The
book is called, The Coffee Grove Saved My Life: How I Got Inspired and Found Self-Worth at the Grove. Every
chapter of the book is about a quote from the wall. And then the content of the chapter is
something that happened in my life that ties into that quote, and how I came through
that trial. So, I’m going to start
writing chapter 6, and all of a sudden, it’s not about a quote. I’m writing a
letter to myself, and it’s God, telling me what to write. It was literally God saying, “I love this,
this, this, this and this about you, but what I don’t love is that you don’t
love what I made, because I didn’t make a mistake with you. And until you love what I made, I cannot
bless you with everything I want to give you.”
And, when I went back and read that, I was like, “Oh my God, I’m
insulting God. This is in the way of my
life getting better.” And right there, I
was like, I deserve an amazing life, and I need to embrace these things that
God gave me. And I need to learn how to
say thank you. I need to learn how to
receive the compliments from people telling me that I’m inspiring, that that’s
a good thing. And, um, yeah, that was
huge.
Ultimately, do you think it’s enough for
people to simply know that they have a purpose in life, or do they need to know
what that purpose is?
They need to know
what the purpose is.
Yeah.
Maybe it’s enough in the beginning to know, if you just know that you
have a purpose, that you’re here for a reason, but don’t you think that
ultimately you need to know what that purpose is to feel fulfilled?
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Because that’s when you’re really living.
Right.
You’re, you’re
following your heart, your dream. Is it
enough for you? To know that you have a
purpose?
No.
No. But the quote, “If you have a
pulse, you have a purpose,” I just wanted to get clear about whether, about
where you drew that line. Is knowing you have a purpose enough, or do
you need to …
It was enough to get me through each
day. That God didn’t take me every night
when I was praying for him to take me in the middle of the night. It got me through each day. But that’s why I
read The Purpose Driven Life. I
needed to know more. I needed to know that I mattered and, I think I have high
standards for myself, I couldn’t…I needed to do something, something
extraordinary. And I, you know, shortly
after I decided to do this trip, I read something somewhere – I was in my
apartment – but it said, “God uses ordinary people who are obedient to do
extraordinary things.” And I thought, I’m an ordinary…this kind of fits
me. It was His idea, and I just said,
“Okay.”
But it’s the saying okay that makes it
possible…
Right. I think
that also knowing, and finding, your purpose is tied into self-worth. Because, if you don’t believe that you’re
worth a good life, or worth doing amazing things, or that you believe you can’t
do it… you’re not going to go looking for your purpose. You’re not going to go looking to follow your
passion, because you don’t believe you’re worth it. And that’s, that’s sad too.
Right.
So…it all goes
hand in hand.
Right now, do you feel like you know what
your purpose in life is?
Today, right now,
I know what my purpose is, for the moment.
What my purpose is now is to take the person that I was created, the
gifts that I was given, and embrace them and acknowledge that God made me this
way and be thankful for it. And again, I
say that not in a religious manner.
God’s just my best friend. I
don’t go sit in church. I don’t think that I need to be sitting in a pew to
have an amazing relationship with God.
But it’s also my business, and I don’t tell anybody else how to
feel. I just hope that the blessings
that I’ve gotten from Him, that sharing that could make someone turn to Him.
So, um…
And that’s your purpose. I mean, that kind of sums it up, doesn’t it?
Yeah. And … I’m not taking this message on the road
to preach the Gospel, because if I want to push people away, I’m going to go
preach the Gospel. If I want to draw
people in, I’m going to speak to them on a level that they understand. And if I
feel that energy…I pick and choose my audience about who I share that with, but
I, I can discern who that is. Angry,
bitter people, they’re not going to receive that.
So how does that feeling you have right
now, knowing that you have a good sense of what your purpose is and why you’re
doing it, how does that feeling contrast with the feeling you had when you were
unemployed for five months, and in the depths of despair?
That’s the beauty
of the journey I’ve been on, and everything I’ve learned, and what I’ve gone
and sought for answers about life and purpose and there’s no way to explain the
amazingness of my life now versus what it was.
I don’t regret a minute of what I went through, because now I have a
testimony. You can’t have a testimony
until you’ve had a test. That’s a
religious saying. But I have a story to
share with other people that can inspire them.
So there was a purpose to all of that pain. Pain has a purpose. We’re supposed to learn, we’re supposed to
grow. The teacher’s always quietest
during the test. Have you ever heard
that saying before?
I’ve never heard that, but it’s so true. (laughing)
So, it’s like a
feeling, like I wish…if I could bottle up how it feels and sell it, I’d be a
gazillionaire. ‘Cause it’s euphoric.
It’s absolutely euphoric. And I want
people that I love, and I want other people that I don’t know to feel it,
‘cause you just can’t describe it until you’ve experienced it. What’s hard for me, is that I love it so much
up here, that when I’m back down here, I start to panic, thinking, “What did I
do? What am I doing wrong? Am I sinning? Am I thinking bad
thoughts? Am I on the wrong path? Am I having karma moments? You know, that’s
when I panic, because I want to go back up here. It’s a great place to live.
And that’s a great place to end this interview. Thank you so much for your time. It’s been a pleasure meeting you, and good
luck in your travels.
Postscript: I asked Ms. Groves to provide me with a list
of books she found inspirational. In
addition to those already listed in the interview (The Secret, The Purpose
Driven Life), she offered the following:
§
The Magic, by Rhonda Byrne
§
Your Hearts Desire, by Sonia Choquette
§
The Power of Intention, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
§
Oh, The Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss
Since I love movies, I also asked for a list of films she
found inspiring as well (in addition to the aforementioned Soul Surfer):
§
The Ultimate Gift (2006)
§
Simon Birch (1998)
§
The Notebook (2004)
I’m currently looking
for more inspiring people to interview.
If you know someone who is incredibly passionate about what they do (and
I don’t care what it is that they do), or someone who’s taken a leap of faith
and would be interested in talking about it, please let me know, or send them
to thunderstrokes. I’d love to hear
their stories.
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